Here's the thing: I had to be honest. Had to be.
I just got back from jury duty. The kid, some disenfranchised loose jean wearing kid, got busted for driving under the influence of drugs (pot in this case). No testing was done at the time of arrest, but that really didn't matter to my thinking, although it was a sticking point for other jurors. At the time of the third question for prospective jurors, I said, "THAT is where I take issue with this." The judge and attorneys stared, awaiting some further explanation, so I asked to approach the bench "so I didn't have to air my opinions out in front of the community". The attorneys, the defendant, and I approached the bench. I looked at the judge (ostensibly a very pleasant man) and explained my truth as it pertains to this case and others like it in general:
This is how people get lost. Fall into cracks. I've been in recovery for almost ten years and I take real and personal issue with draconian drug laws. I don't use it (pot) and I certainly don't advocate it, but here's a kid looking for something. Why do people turn to drugs and addiction? Why is it so endemic to our society? These are much bigger questions than are germane to discuss here, but I am certain that, for me, punishment in this sense only creates more of the problem than it serves to alleviate it, and I can honestly tell you that there's no way under Heaven that I would convict this young man to any degree. Where's the help? Where are the mentors? Do you know what kind of background he's coming from? We're dealing with a much bigger picture here than this court is willing to address, and that's where I need to let you know that I will not be impartial; far from it, I simply will not let this young man become another statistic of a system that doesn't work.
The attorneys thought about it for a moment before the prosecutor asked that I be excused from the jury selection. The defense attorney responded that he completely understood what I was implying and agreed that I would be less than impartial. The judge said that I was excused and thanked me for my time. I put my hand on the young man's shoulder, looked him in the eyes, and said, "I hope you find your way." He didn't really know what to do with it, but smiled a very genuine smile and muttered something, half nervously laughing.
Look, I don't pretend to have all the answers; heck, I don't even know most of the questions, but I do know that the current system is a lumbering behemoth that rarely takes into account the precursor to infringements. One in one hundred Americans is incarcerated: among the world's highest percentage per capita. Something has to change. I hope that in some small way, I helped foster that change.
I need to take a drive now, so I can shake this stuff off. I get so deeply affected. When I watched the kid's reactions to things and realized that his attorney wasn't even really paying attention to the proceedings, my heart went out to him. When I thought of the infinite blessings that I receive and thought that if this kid was just given one shot at knowing them how different things could be, my heart went out to him. But it goes on and on, and people disappear (or make the choice to remain dead) every day, and if only I could do more. It is my highest and trruest intention to help in this world, but it gets so sad. So I will take a ride out to pick up supplies for the job tomorrow, and I'll have a little cry and I'll pray for knowledge of ways that I can make a difference, and I'll thank God for keeping me alive and providing this incredible gift of life to me. In the end my gratitude always outweighs my sadness, and that's a gift too.
In leiu of a contest today, this sobering day, I offer this prayer to you, cherished children of our Loving God:
O Lord God, you intend that we live fully,
yet we are reluctant to open our hands
to receive your abundance.
We prefer to do things for ourselves,
to trust that we know what is best.
Pursuing our own desires we have turned
from You and still wonder why we feel empty.
Forgive our sins.
Fill us again.
May Your Grace spill over into our lives, so that
we may gratefully accept what You offer, share
Your Grace with others, and live thankfully in the manner
Of Jesus the Christ.
Amen.
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