And Brett called too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urt2cy7AqFs
Dreams are some shit, huh?

Off-gassing and cumpulsory physiological jettisoning of the daily flotsam or inter-dimensional passage through the veils of heavy carbon-based reality? That's one for Sagan and Steiner to posit and discuss; as for me, I make statements like, "Dreams are some shit, huh?"

The link above is an homage (if not something more direct) to one such dream. Brett felt really poorly about something, emotionally I mean, and he spent a bit of time trying to convince me that he was actually fine but I was so not buying it. Then, or perhaps even throughout, I don't recall, the song above played. Played predominantly, actually. One way the Universe (God, if you prefer) works (in my opinion, anyway) is that from one ort of information or experience an entirely different universe is created. Granted it's to a greater or lesser degree, but the fact remains, and this Carole King snippet is a prime example to illustrate.

Heavily wafting through my dreamscape is 'So Far Away' by Carole King. Upon waking, I can't recall for the life of me what the song was that I was hearing, but on the radio that morning in the office I hear a different Carole King song and think first, "That is so awesome!" because a) I haven't heard a Carole King song on the radio, let alone that station, in what may be years, and b) it's what I personally nowadays gratefully take as a sign of Synchronicity in the Universe. (If you don't that's your prerogative, but I beg you to indulge in it's magnificent reality some time: it's intoxicating)

The next thing that happens (after being not at all subtly reminded of the presence of God in my life and thereby lifted to a higher vibration) is I see Greg in the warehouse (nextdoor to the office) and feel inclined to engage him in conversation regarding this song I dreamt of but can't remember. He can't pull any out of the air from 'Tapestry', but fondly recalls the album. Who knows where his mind wanders and therefore his outlook and whole day changes! See where I'm going with this?! Very cool stuff.

So now Greg and I talk a lot about...that's right! '60s and'70s music! Nice. Plus this morning it was still on my mind so I start looking on YouTube for Carole King songs to jog my mind and lo and behold there it is, jumping out at me (last night's dream included bike riding with Alton Brown who decided to try his hand at improvisational comedy before a weary audience that included an apparently bored polar bear...but that's neither here nor there). After I listen to it a couple of times, I continue to explore some other favorite artists, including Alana Davis, who I haven't heard from in over a year. Wonderful! I'd forgotten how talented she is, and recalled that I hadn't listened to her cds in some time, so I pick a couple out of the rack and listen to them on the way to and from work. She's so good. Good music, I'm happy!

Oh, and Brett called and he's okay, and I felt like a yoke had been lifted from my shoulders. All good.

It goes on and on, as though our collective conscience is really just a big pool and our thoughts ripples...kinda cool. Won't even get into manifestation here, but let's not forget what they even mentioned in elementary school for cryin' out loud: "manifest destiny". Break it down and think about it...how'd that one get past the machine's radar? LOVE IT!

There's a ramble for ya, and by God thank you for being there....even if you aren't. I'm talking collective here.

I'll be preparing for a cleanse soon, so as to better attune to my purpose as a conduit of God's Love in action; I'm looking forward to it.

In the meantime, hope you enjoy the song/video. Carole and Sweet Baby James are wonderfully youthful and...new I guess is the word I'm searching for. Perhaps it will effect you and your day/evening. Who knows?

Those questions are second prize anyway. The winner is in the being.

Remember Extreme?

Come on, remember, "More than words"? Yeah, I know, most groan when forced to consider the song, but the portent holds yet. Above is a picture from the past week, when we all spent a few days in Pennsylvania at a family reunion. Charlotte was so happy to meet her distant cousin Claire that she, no kidding, gave her a big kiss. She was just ecstatic. The lessons I was granted are still unfolding, and this was most certainly a blessed event of the highest vibration...so much so that I still need time to consider and reflect and (soon, I hope) assimilate all that I was given. Such emotion, such wonder and depth...I hope to share with you soon! In the meantime, I thought the photo spoke some deeper innocence and truth that I could hardly wait to share, so there you have it.

And speaking of deeper innocence...HA! These guys were great fun. My wife gets such kick out of how I always sneak off with dogs wherever we go.

May you continue to feel the presence of an all-loving, ever-present Parent God as you wend through your days, and I hope to share some more time with you soon.

All I'm really saying

All I'm really saying, at the end of all the tumult and unrest, is that this baby, this angel descended on Earth, has shown me under no false pretenses nor uncertain terms what Love that eternally pulses from the heart of the Universe (could read 'God' if you like) is real and can absolutely sweep you away once you let go and get caught up in it. This baby has changed my life and my outlook (as well as priorities and anything else we can conjure to espouse) so completely that the world is just plain different now. Period.
An infinite Gratitude to Mother/Father God from this mortal for the gifts. My family, my teachers, my friends and acquaintences right down to that woman that rang me out at the market this evening. Thank you. Never, ever ending possibilities and alternatives, choices and perdicaments, thank you. It really hurts sometimes, and I get so deeply down and beaten and weary, but when I have the strength to call upon the All, I'm reminded to slow down, to recognize (literally 're-cognize') my surroundings, and at last to remember Gratitude for the lessons and the strength and wisdom that comes with it.
I've gotten back into reading the works of my friend Bill W. and Dr. Bob, and it really helps to soothe my worried mind. My wife and I were just discussing late last night that we were so screwed into a tight spot, that we had few options and we just didn't know what we were going to do. I reminded us that it's rarely very smooth for us and that we have to work so hard for everything we earn, every inch we climb, and that it'll mean so much more that way in the end anyway. My morning meditation that I shared regarded the reality of turning it over, not being so caught up in the drama of fear that we forget that God is doing for us what we can't do for ourselves, and from addiction to getting up in the morning (which can be a real challenge at the nadir) it rings true...at least for me.
So yes, we're in a spot that I don't ever want to feel again, and by the Grace of God and the Loving Wisdom that is forever bestowed unto us, we won't have to do this or feel this again. We need only to learn this one. No small chore, but we're fuckin' tough, both of us, and we've got each other 100%, and we pull the kids in tight and let Rosco off the leash and we're good to go. We'll do this, we will learn this lesson, and we will heal the wounds we've sustained in the getting here.
I would really love to share with you this parting prayer, as offered to us a couple of weeks ago:
Great God, in Christ you set us free,
Your life to live, Your joy to share.
Give us Your Spirit's liberty
To turn from guilt and dull despair,
And offer all that faith can do
While Love is making all things new.

It's at the Heart of the Universe, sometimes when the mind is quiet we can really feel it. My hope for you is to sense this Love, and may the awareness carry you into the world filled with spirit, with love and appreciation of everyone else you meet, and the faith turn knowledge that you are known and loved.
Amen.

Fun times at the mall of culture

Yep, had such an interesting time in NYC today. Ostensibly sales calls, the meetings were more like slightly odd films. I found myself listening as earnestly as I could muster to listen, but still wending through the veils of reality to find these actors still muttering on about some 'real-life' thing. It's as though we, as a society in this country (and some others, I'm certain), have become like one of those people that can't go on without some such drama in their life. I say screw that paradigm...that'll exhaust the spiritual adrenals or something....
No, I found myself thinking that my agreement with some things have changed, but in reality I think now I'm realizing the potential of higher aspiration agreements. Money is a prime example. Sing along, "money money money moooney....moooooney!" Now try this: "peanut butter jell-ay...jeeell-ay!" (For the record, that exercise served no greater purpose than to lighten you up a little bit....relax, why don't ya?) Money, we are all in relationship with it. It is a tool. I've heard it said that money merely affords us more choices, and I like that. I also saw a man today whose entire life seems to revolve around the stuff in some way, to the point that it's the only point of reference he could muster. Hmm. His labor minion, not looking him in the eye and shifting uneasily in their chairs as the meeting progressed. What an odd cast! What happened to the plot line?! I really enjoyed watching the film roll before me, and the levity I brought to the drama was warmly welcomed and appreciated. If only they knew! Cue Eroll Flynn! Their agreement with money was interesting as well, although they are a bit more coy when it comes to speaking about it (I ferreted through the gaggle of buyers after the meeting, checking for pulses).
Me? I want for my family and myself a cornucopia of choice, a veritable cascade of choices showering down over us, to swim in a deep pool of choice. Enter the money game in this world right now. Okay, I can play the money game, but here's the rub: I will not sacrifice my life for the gain of paper and coin. My agreement is that I have a family and a choice of lifestyle, and that to accommodate both I will need to earn money. Great! My new agreement also holds that I bear in mind what is real (to me) and what are distractions, illusions, mirages. I can work quite effectively within the system all the while recognizing that the wall are veils. I need to stay wary as to not become intoxicated again by imbibing that which is false around me. Most drama (when it comes to business, most certainly) is smoke and mirrors anyway, I just need to stay attuned to this as I enter the arena. I'll say this much, it makes shit so much lighter it's like a sack of grain lifted from my shoulders.
Is God cool or what? What a world! What graceful lessons!
I'll leave you with one of my personal favorites of the day. It came as I was meeting with the buyer for one of the Whole Foods down there. Time, no shit, no exaggeration whatsoever, was going so slowly, I felt as though I was entering the film for the Matrix or something, and the remarkable part of the time-bend is that it gives me time to really link up with what's going on inside me; it's as though instead of nanoseconds to respond in discussion, I've now a good 10 seconds or so to pull up what my True (key here, my True) feelings and thoughts are. It's amazing!
Anyway, so the buyer (we'll call him Eddie, because that's his name) and I were discussing how we're doing getting him fresh, local, organic produce this season, and he responded positively that the product is beautiful, fresh, the trucks are there on time regularly, it's all good.....except that silly little imp money is stealing some thunder! Ooo, that meddling monkey money! He said that he can often get local product cheaper through other distribution, citing that whereas our lettuce costs $32 a case, he's getting local lettuce from Massachussets growers for $16 a case. Time flowed like cold molasses, and I shook my head and peered mildly mournfully at the floor and replied, "Sure am glad I'm not a farmer in Massachussets..."
He got it. For a flash, and I mean truly, merely a flash, he got it and connected all the dots (maybe not all the dots, but a goodly number of dots). It was beautiful. He quickly retreated back through the veils, though, and with a numbing chuckle had left me to go back to mirage-land again, and that's okay. That's where he's comfortable, as are the vast majority of folks that have the luxury of not needing to concentrate merely on surviving the day. Heck, I go sometimes on purpose, although by God it's getting difficult to truly reach that destination anymore...and maybe that's evolution...maybe that's a good thing.
Hey, Love of God in my heart, I wish the very best for you today, e-ethers, and hope for you Peace in your heart and mind at the very core. All is God, as the back of my truck said, and I don't even pretend to try to understand much about that anymore, I just know it as a Truth, and in that comes knowledge that it's all lesson anyway. May it be so with you and yours and me and mine.

Here we are now, entertain us

Nevermind the previous blog: too long-winded and almost incoherently scattered. It was very early in the morning/late at night and I frankly had far too many thoughts swirling through the cosmos beneath my skull. On that note, I offer this as a more succinct and engaging thought on awakening.

The awakening begins as we look around us, right here where we live and play and shop. A case of lettuce from the west coast of the U.S. will cost on average about $48US all winter long, with slight fluctuations. As soon as the east coast growers begin producing, the price plummets to (this season) $12US. You already know all the politics and all the angles, so I'll spare any further explanation.

The house my family and I currently rent, a modest pre-fab cape on a few acres was most recently assessed at $289,000US. What does a million dollars even mean any more in the face of such assessments? Who (oh, we all know deep down the whos and the whys) decided on these prices/costs? What happened to the idea of currency? It's still an idea, it's just that we've all been buying into (pun intended) what the worth and parity prices are being set at. Interesting.

Population density is severly concentrated in urban centers, although they're no longer centers of commerce per se (as cities once were) so much as parasitic moneychangers siphoning goods from the surrounding rural districts to perpetuate it's own false devices. It's true, and if you look at it, you'll see it quite clearly.

I love my family. It has taken me this entire lifetime thus far to earn the family that I have now, and it is now that I realize it is all I have ever wanted, and there is not a quark of hyperbole in that statement. By the same token, my family lives me and has come to count on me, not just for financial support but for the vastly more important spiritual and emotional guidance and strength that I lend to our shared experience. What a blessing! God really does love me! So why must I spend the overwhelming majority of my waking time an hour away from them in order to make money? I don't, is the simple answer, and there are certainly alternative lifestyles available (and we consider some as they come up)...but let's keep the focus on the general principle here, and that is that the reliance and building of a societal lifestyle around a false principle (again, it's just an idea, a concept) such as money is a structure built on wind and ash...it's not real and it's not true to any higher aspiration whatsoever.

I long to return to my studies, I long for a time when my family and I can just be, and be together...sharing time and experience and all that life has. I long to share the abundance of my life with others in a meaningful way. All this is attainable, it's a matter of 'swimming upstream' as my wife once put it.

The more prolific and certainly more obvious power currently is darker than not, and quite soul-less, and it is a challenge to go against it. But we do. And we must...we must continue to channel the Light.

There's so much more I'd love to share, but verbosity lends itself to something akin to narcolepsy, so I'll retire here. Thank you, for by being here in whatever presence you are, you are so for a reason, and for that I'm grateful.

Go in peace knowing that we are known...and we are loved.

Why am I awake...and what's this 'reawakening'?

If I am to be enthusiastic (literally 'en theos' or 'in God') about God, that ineffable Infinity, and the direct relation to myself, I would hope that there would be Joy in it. Or more succinctly, as my wife put it this evening, I would hope that Peace would be involved.
That being said, I'll take you back to a few days ago. I've been worked to the raw bone for weeks now with no end in sight at my new 'steady, this will save you from debt' job; bills continue to stack up, largely due to the increased cost of the new house we're renting; the baby still wakes every few hours at night; I could go on, but you see the colors in the painting. So I drove the 45 minutes to work, all the while feeling this queer sensation that wasn't quite new, yet wasn't totally lucid. I sat at my desk and turned on the computer. The phone was not ringing, everyone was at their desks, diligently toiling away. My neck was kinda warm, and my abdominal muscles were tightened to taut. I couldn't resist anymore, and announced loudly to everyone present that "it's all fake! The whole thing is bullshit. It's all fake nothingness built on an invisible foundation that's invisible because it's not there!"
Stammering is a funny word, isn't it?
Only Joe, the head honcho got involved, and began a discussion based on the teachings of his primary teacher, and whole heartedly agreed, adding that our role was to transcend the falsehood and limitations of this earthly realm. I concurred, adding that we still had to involve ourselves in this realm, and....wait...this part of the conversation is a tangent...we'll hit that another time.
What's false? Haven't you been sensing the veils being lifted, these diaphonous scales that have obscured the Light for so long? Look around you....sense around you. It's a plastic (read: man-made, artificial, inconsequential simulacrum) world out there. What do most people talk about? How are we living? For me it all starts with the big lesson from Ishmael, that the split at the Fertile Crescent was the first big slip on the banana peel to today. The move to an agrarian society fractures the picture into so many different complications to start. Now you have people settling and working land, multiplying and depleting the surrounding area of all kinds of resources, denuding the forest and driving away the game. Population booms, furthering the whole process. Jump ahead, and you have the (just maybe insane) Industrial Revolution which now not only takes the fathers/husbands from the family life, but also creates metropolises. Now we have enormous, totally engorged urban concentrations such that no matter how much we funnel into them, they always need more. Now people in these cities are so far departed from the earth (true mother) that there's an entirely new cultural paradigm in play. Look at a television. My God! Where do these people come from? How did they get like this? Guess what?...these television people might just be the present norm! Even the most benign of programs, specifically "How did that get on my plate?" (a show presumably walking the viewer through farms and processing plants) is rife with such propaganda and misinformation that it sickens. Literally. Then the children are subtly endoctrinated. Radio. Newpapers. Magazines, internet, everybody is playing the game.
Now, my primary teacher, my go-to guy JC, he was the ultimate rebel. He turned everything upside down. Not just the money-changers in the temple, my friend, no no no...as was pointed out to me so exquisitely, Jesus turned all the contemporary dogma of the day on its head. A rebel, baby, in the truest sense. Now JC tells me, if I am to understand him clearly, that God, the All, the Great Mother/Father of the whole shebang, is all about Love. The prodigal son, each of us, running to those open arms. So what does that mean for me? Tells me that I'm loved beyond my most far-reaching dreams, and tells me that if I am like that son, then I'm like a child. As my dearest Chris pointed out so long ago, if my baby is learning to walk and falls down and begins to cry, what do I do? I get over there in a hurry, buddy, and I pick that baby up! I don't ask questions, I don't say, "why can't you walk? When are you gonna get it? Can't you learn any faster?" How disturbingly absurd a notion, right? So if JC tells me that I'm like that child (and we all are, brothers and sisters!), is Mom/Dad in the Grand sense gonna let me fall? Am I going to be judged? More to the point for this discussion, what do I want for my baby? Personally, I want nothing but the best this world has to offer, and I will and do do anything I can to make sure she knows it (and I don't refer to the world of the material here...stay with me...). What does God want for me, his/her baby? Well, JC is telling us pretty specifically. So what's all the best for me? For me personally, it is having my family. My wife and I long for nothing more than to be together, to have our children around us, to immerse ourselves in the sharing and experience of each other. The modern world really doesn't get down with that. Kinda prohibits that, except for short, unpleasant spurts. Well fuck that. Jesus got pretty rattled by what he saw, and I'm becoming rattled by what I see.
We're slowing down. We're preparing our spirits to be open to learn what it is we need to learn while we're here, and we can barely manage a modicum of that if we swim with the rest of society in that stream. We went without television for years and the kids never missed it; now it has become a magnetic beast that draws the attention of anyone near. It is getting unplugged and covered tomorrow. We have not read to the children in months, and we all miss it. We will begin a new book this weekend. We have not been on the river in the canoe or in the mountains all year. These are now priorities. I will no longer see my primary purpose as making money to support a lifestyle. I will no longer see the merit in working 70 hours a week to serve no greater a good than any other ersatz endeavor. I understand that my family, my wife and our children, lose far more that they gain by having me not at home as often as I had been.
All challenging prospects in the shadow of this culture, but we're committed anew. I can hardly wait to watch it unfold and to sense our coming together. It's our togetherness that is real to me now, and I guess that's what that oddly familiar feeling was. There's more crap and veils and distractions out there than stars in the universe, and they're all cunning and alluring in their own way, I suppose. But I'll be working on humming out a different vibration, as will my family. Join in if it appeals to you.
In the meantime, here's an impromptu, 2 a.m. blessing for you and for all of us:
Father/Mother God, we struggle and we churn in the frothing waters that are the world we live in. Your Love and our faith in that ever-present Love are all that keep us going sometimes, our island and our beacon. Dearest God, Greatest Love, please help to guide us in the way that is best for us and best for everyone, please keep us close to you as we struggle to change in the face of ever-growing fear and complacency. Let our deeds in this world reflect our gratitude for this life and your Love for us, and our need and Love for each other.
Amen.

Been down hard

This was my river. Those were my mountains. There comes a time, I guess, where a mosaic begins to form, when peices of something just beyond a clear vision coalesce, and we're left with a decision. I make my decisions anymore based on the principle of a simple two-point criterion paradigm: does it benefit my family, and does it fit my aspiration of my growth as a spirit. Complex questions for a simple quotient, and the myriad outcomes are staggering in their entropic array of ramifications. That said, my mosaic began to form and I leapt with all the vigor and motivation I posess. The house. The job. The car. The funny thing about making bold decisions is that sometimes, the shit you don't typically hear about happens.
The bottom line is that I made sound decisions with prudence and research and now teeter on the razor's edge of losing so much more than I can gain. I'm horrifically disillusioned, remarkably sad and haven't felt so alone and hung out to dry in many, many years. I'm not sleeping behind the dumpster anymore, but I certainly feel like I've been run over and have blown to the weeds on the side of the road of life lately.
It's fucking hard to get the momentum back to even being productive, and when there are sick people refusing healing just adding to your load daily, it's so much the more difficult. The road has overgrown with weeds. I've been fighting other creatures to the sides of the path and have lost my way. I'm trying so hard to find even the footpath at this point, but it's fucking hard, and I wanted someone to know. So thank you, inane blog, and thanks to Zee, wherever you are, for forecasting the utilitarian faculties of this strange yet somehow effective mode of release.
I'm holding on to the notion that if I can at very least keep Love in my heart, my mind on God, and respond from the place they both reside, I'll be okay. The better I am, the better my family is, and that's what's important in the bigger picture.
Here's to bigger pictures and better times ahead.
Amen.