The Hardest Thing

The hardest thing, in these troubled times, is to keep the faith. And by faith I really mean Faith.

Yep, another one of those rants.

Top New York judge clamoring of dire results and top-end revolution if state judges don't get long-overdue raises. Current salary: $150,000 per annum +, no shit.

State hopes to keep all 'correctional facilities' open for business, albeit admittedly at taxpayers' expense, and business is good: 1 in 100 Americans will have done time in one of 'em.

Federal government abets the bail out/takeover of Bear Stearns, and after a backlash, raises the compensatory pay on what was a $60 stock note last month from the original bargaining of $2 per share to around $10 per share. We pay for their wanton carelessness and misguided, blind risk assessment myopia. Oh, and don't think that they're the first...or the last, for that matter.

My wife gets a 'green' update email describing how the television waves are going to HD and the ol' rabbit ears will no longer pick up the frequency...at all. The email discloses how to best and most quickly and responsibly pick up a converter box. Here's a crazy idea: put a cover on the fucking box and put some plants on top of it. When you get desparate, watch a good film or read a book. Elaine Pagels has some groundbreaking material on the Nag Hammadi texts that people should at least be aware of.

I could (and likely so could you) add to this list of perils and woes ad infinitum. Every day. Every day we could compound our misery at the travails of the modern world/culture/society. Great! I say great! That is coffee you smell, so wake up! Wake up to something for Gods' sake! Maybe most don't give a rat's turd about that. But get really pissed or completely and utterly dejected by current events? Why not!? Feels better to feel badly, doesn't it? And shit, since most of us are already pulsing out and carrying that energy anyway, it's so much easier to go with the flow! Yeah! Easy, going with the flow.

Perhaps a step along the way is to wake up a little to the world around us and get indignant, downright and justifiably angry. Yeah, anger, that's the stuff of change. Get angry and argumentative. Yeah. And then try not to carry that bag around with you. Good luck.

So what to do, what to do, with a sigh and shoulders slumped.

Here's what my number one Teacher tells me, and under no vague or uncertain terms whatsoever: if I am to have any peace, any measure of serenity at all, I first have to give up the big ME. Then I need to make sure my House is clean. And I'd better be really sure that the log is taken from my eye before I can go looking to take any splinters out of anyone else's.

Why even bother? My spiritual belief is such that this heavy body is a vehicle on a journey, and the purpose of this journey is to a) take what experiences I have, wrest them into a place of Blessed Peace, recognize them as Grace, and share that Grace with others, b) live my own ministry of Blessed Peace and Compassion by being awake, to the best of my ability, to the needs and condition of those around me, c) give all the Blessings I have received from a Kind, Loving, and Just God back to this world, and d) love my God and my family with all my heart and soul and spirit and never, under any circumstances, place anything before Them.

A most amazing thing occurs when I can maintain that focus and that vibration, and it has only recently come full circle in my understanding of a teaching of my very beloved Chris. In frustration, years and years ago, I asked, furiously, "Do you just know all the fucking answers at some point?!" He serenely and genuinely replied, "No, you just have fewer questions."

And it has been my experience.

I could easily and readily fall back to outrage and/or despair, the dalliances of stasis, and sometimes I do. But the reward of recognizing the Truth that Mahatma Mohandes Gandhi extolled ("Be the change you wish to see in the world") is better, if only more challenging. I invite you to try it. Take that personal inventory and jettison that unwanted, unreliable, and just plain antiquated shit. You'll be so much lighter, and your Vessel will have more space to fill with all things Light. Light, like making apologies you thought were dead and gone. Admit to foibles, mistakes, misdeeds, and be willing to receive the Good News that you're part of the Human Family, and we all screw it up sometimes! Allow yourself the hug that shatters the barriers, the handshake that softens your heart, and the possibility that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be.

God loves you, and will never even for a moment forsake you.

Imagine we collectively tried to exact that ideal of God here, on Earth. With each other.

Imagine that.

Go on...imagine that.......

Not inane, hardly detritus

There's a wonderful plaque that rests on a mantle on the way down the stairs of my church. It reads simply, "God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called." What that means to me is that none of us are more in tune with or have a better understanding of God than anyone else, but that what's important is to merely take a step toward God, whatever your understanding of God is. In that vein I offer what occurred to me today as profound, sublime. It occurs to me that there is not a soul on this earth or beyond that is below or not deserving of redemption. Indeed, we each have redemption in that we are a part of God (this is just my opinion, of course) already. 'Perfectly imperfect' as my teacher Chris stated it often. We do what we do and have the experiences we have merely as an educational tool on our way back to the Source. Hmm. What I'm trying to say is that I fuck up, you fuck up, we all invariably and inevitably fuck up, but really that's just 'missing the mark'...what the Christ referred to as 'sin' (Gnostic transliteration, not Orthodox). It's educational, it's vital to our experience, and it by no means disqualifies us from redemption or God's love for us.
Take it or leave it, and many leave it, and that is understandable and receives no condemnation or perjorative judgement from me: that's your path. I'm only trying to share the beauty of a blossom that I've found along my path. If nothing else it is that I know, and I feel, that I am not alone and that I am loved. By God, by God! And it is my belief that each of us belonging to this Human Family is by nature of merely being blessed by this Love and Grace as well.
It is my hope only to share with you what passes through the conduit of the consciousness of my fullest potential, my highest aspiration and vibration.
You're wonderful. You're so important. I hope you know this, and that you are loved.
Amen.

Good Friday

Having just returned from another powerful experience that I'd like to share with you, I first offer this caveat: I have three sublime teachers that I work with. The first is my minister, the pastor at my church. He brought me into the fold by helping me understand things that I had been asking, and presented theological implications (historical, etc) that quelled numerous misgivings about a church being capable of (and culpable for) providing some of what I crave. The second is a man who was recommended to me by my doctor, my doctor who is also a family friend and confidant. I've worked with him for almost two years now. He is primarially theosophical, although delves effortlessly into Eastern mysticism and Christian banter as well. The third is counted among my dearest of friends, extraordinarially trustworthy and kind of heart, and he is an ordained Gnostic minister. Having studied various sects of Buddhism years ago, and having read (not entirely, mind) the Qu'ran, and having a perfunctory knowledge of other religions and mysticism from years of curiosity and hunger, I have come to Jesus (the Christ) as my primary teacher. With all respect and adoration of all religions and spiritual paths (and I will restrain from my strong desire to expound on the whys of that for now), I've never in 36 years been consistently moved to tears, day after day, read after read, than with the profound understandings that I glean from the copious gospel ("good news") volumes attributed to the expressions and history of Jesus. The gnostic history, which I've been consuming like cold water on a hot day, has helped ameliorate any misgivings I've had within myself about the four 'chosen' gospels and the human Truth (as far as what feels right to me, right now, in my limited understanding) of Jesus as the Christ, and so on and on and on I could go but I want to get to the sharing so I'll stop!
I was ruminating on the significance of the pendulous, ruddy moon tonight. I was on my way home, over the mountain, from a somber service at my church (which, by the way, is progressive Presbyterian). We, the choir in this case, performed a remarkable song, Tchaikovski's When We Behold Thy Bleeding Wounds, which sets the tone appropriately I suppose. At any rate, the service, of which no more than 8 or so people attended (ours is a very small church) was really quite remarkable. One line that stuck out immediately was in an Affirmation of Faith reading, stating, "The world exhausts its rage on the body of Jesus Christ." That's pretty hardcore. I mean, that's the pivotal part of being considered a Christian, I think.

Okay, I was about to launch into another littany, but I still haven't gotten to the sharing thing.
Let's see, the choir, the moon.....oh yeah. Here we go.
Regardless of what you might consider Jesus, the man from Nazareth, voluminous history shows that he at least existed, and that he at least went through some pretty horriffic, crazy shit. Even agnostic scholars will concede that much. So given that, and to take all that on a strictly human level, what strikes me most is that Jesus had the conviction to believe that he was doing this all for us. You. And me. It matters not a mote what the Truth is in the light of the fact that he was tortured and killed because he loves us.
And while on the human level in this discussion, here's what I'd like to share, as it's what the moon in all her glory was reminding me of tonight on the way home through the woods, in the silence and darkness of night.
It's a reading from the service, this Good Friday service, the night to commemorate the evening when Jesus gave his spirit over to our Mother/Father. It is regarding Mary, his mother.

Even Now

She stands
beneath his dying
and will not be persuaded to leave,
despite the urging of the others.
They huddle against her
in an effort to hold her
against the pain,
but she stands erect,
unleaning,
her eyes fixed upon his face.
From the hillside
the sounds of weeping and wailing
hang heavy in the air,
but she who held him
in a stable in Bethlehem
stands silent
beneath his cross in Jerusalem,
her heart pondering still,
her soul magnifying the Lord,
her spirit praising God,
knowing even now
that she is blessed among women.

from Kneeling in Jerusalem by Ann Weems

There is so much I wish to share with you, but you are on your Divine path, and I mine. We'll meet when we're One again, and that'll be just fine.
Have a wonderful Easter weekend.
Remember that even if you turn away, it's no matter. You're still loved and held dearly in the heart of the Universe.
Peace be with you.

Saturday

Had a lovely visit, took a walk to places I hadn't even visited before in my own backyard. Who woulda thunk...

Some really good lines popped into my conciousness this morning, perhaps due in part to thinking through some of Zee's thoughts:

"...I have a dreamt of a place in time, where nobody gets annoyed,

but I must admit, I'm not there yet, but something's keeping me going.

Maybe there's a world that I'm still to find.

Open up the world and let me in, then there'll be a new life to begin.

I've been waiting for that moment to arrive.

All at once this house of Peace will fill my eyes.

How nice...." -Yusuf Islam

Gotta go to choir rehearsal and contemplate God. See ya soon.

Okay, okay...

...in light of my most recent polemic, I offer this as good (local) news:

Current Leiutenent Governor David Paterson is set to be sworn in as Governor of New York on Monday, and here are two things I already appreciate about the little I've seen of him: a) he said, when questioned about the Spitzer turmoil, that (paraphrasing), "Eliot is a dear friend of mine and he and his family have had enough right now..." Didja catch that? A man in politics not even obliquely distancing himself from a friend that could tarnish, if not damage, his political career. Takes a certain kind of person to do that, and it very subtly commands a lot of respect. B) as a legally blind man, I have not seen him reading from prepared statements in response to questions or in statements to the press and public. There's something so outlandish about that these days that, wow, he may actually need to know what he's talking about and may actually need to respond with *gasp*...candor. I know, I know, sounds crazy, but it's largely true.

Gave me a little lift anyway.

Enough to present a new contest! Hooray!

Okay, here's todays question: Which of the following statements is/are true given the statement, "It has been proven: a woodchuck can indeed chuck wood"?

a) wear a helmet and a cup

b) depends on what the definition of 'can' is

c) I will learn to ride a unicycle by autumn '09

d) woodchucks are monogamous

e) wasn't even there, don't know what you're incinuating

f) we may never pass this way again

Of course you don't need luck, what with a lunchbox like that.

You've got that sinking feeling

Sometimes you just wanna throw in the towel, flush the whole thing, wrap it in a moist towelette and slip it under your neighbor's car seat. Well that's where a particular email left me today. The first line, and I swear this is true, read, "this is an email to correct the concern that Obama is a muslim."

I am not making this up.

I understand that emotion breeds ignorance, and we're all guilty of it from time to time, but give me a fucking break. (Oh, right, pardon my language...) So first of all, would it be okay to send out a mass mailing stating, "this is to assure you that McCain is not a jew."? No. Period, end of story. So why address some other candidate, or any person else for that matter, in such a ridiculously poised statement? I'm having a hard time even expressing myself here about this, my apologies.

Look, what in the name of God does it matter if someone is a Christian, Hindu, Taoist, Muslim, Jew, agnostic, a warlock...why does it matter and why cast the discussion in such a perjorative light?

You've gotten my point by now; I'm stammering still and will not expound any further tonight. Maybe these poor, ignorant people will at least show the respect to capitalize proper nouns in the future.

For now the toiling, weary, and basically walking dead that make up the majority of this country (and likely the rest of the 'civilized' world) will continue to spew venom and absurdities from a carnal and emotional ground that has no realm where we aspire to be. As Barry Hannah so eloquently phrases in his poetic treatise on the gospel of Mark, "...for now there are no kings, for service is kingly."

Maybe we should take a step back from this material world a few times more often during the day and ask if we're truly speaking and acting as our higher selves.

There's your fucking revolution.

Peace to you all.

Falls into Grace

I'm going to depart from the published canon of this blog for a moment to address something of importance and ye that would nay-say get my tongue sticking out, momentarily.
Eliot Spitzer, the ambitious former Attorney General cum Governor of this fine confused dichotomy of New York, has resigned. Props to the cantankorous and aggressive Joe Bruno for, at least to the ears of the republic, taken the actions of his most vociferous adversary with guarded class and sympathy. That aside, this is the perfect opportunity for each of us to grow. How? Glad you asked. First and foremost, it's important to realize that part of the reason we love this kind of negative and destructive sensationalism is that it makes us feel good, better than, like we as individuals of a species are momentarily superior. We're not, of course, and I hope that's not a crushing blow to any egos out there. So it's so easy, yes, easy to fall into the pool with so many others and bash and harangue and generally wallow in and create misery. Here we have a choice to not do that, en masse. Let's.
How to avoid that synapse of doom that is so deeply carved into the cerebral infrastructure? Here's where I start: it's his journey. His journey affects his wife, his children, Joe Bruno, Sheldon Silver, all the way down the line. Here's the beauty: his journey effects even you. How is this germane, even possible? Allow me to expound, because I love to expound.
Eliot Spitzer, Governor of New York, is busted in a sting operation of a high-end prostitute ring. He has championed the cause of tough, no-nonsense, by-the-book prosecution of all manner of crimes as Attorney General. He won the election for Governor by a 70% populous vote, riding a gleaming white horse of moral high ground and swift and immediate change in a legislature that is historically a lumbering, impotent behemoth. Now he has lost all credibility. Great! This is an opportunity for this individual to make a tremendous personal leap in his journey in this lifetime. He made the choices he made due, in part I'm guessing, to a deeper sense of disconnect or emptiness or sorrow, etc ad infinitum. Part of the human condition we can all relate to, yes? So he needs to learn something, a big something granted, from all this. There's a sublime truth in that for all of us. What's more is that we can look at our own shortcomings or deep sorrows and understand better how to drive around with them in our conciousness without running off the road. We've all got them, the experiences of the entire spectrum of emotions, and we're all just trying to put them where they belong. Maybe this is what it takes for Mr Spitzer to get there. I'm not suggesting we condone destructive behavior, I am suggesting we augment our thinking around the bigger picture and act with compassion. No more stones to throw. It's an archaic practice that has had it's day, let's be done with it. No more character assasination, it's spiritually immature and frankly crass. We can learn to be kinder, to act with compassion, and we can learn that we all have something to learn from each other. To do otherwise is to defy that which is holy, which, my friends, is us...our lives.
I'll end soon, I promise, but I would like to share an excerpt from a reading one of my teachers presented to me this morning.
"...to attempt obedience to God in any circumstance is to find experience opening on meaning, and meaning is holy."
As I remove my rougher cynical edges with the 220 grit of understanding, these things have profound impact and deep meaning to me. I hope it is so with you.
Mr Spitzer is a troubled man and he and his family are in tremendous pain right now. Let's give them that and leave our baser judgements out of the airwaves. We'll all heal a little bit and feel a little lighter. When we're strong enough we'll pray.
Go out into the world joyful in the fact that God would use you to make a difference in other peoples' lives. Return to no one evil for evil, for you are known, you are seen, and you are loved beyond the scope of your farthest reaching imagination. This I truly believe. May it be so with you. [The former being transliterated from another wonderful teacher, with reverence and gratitude]